[personal profile] tudorlady
...getting better slowly. Yesterday was the first day since I can remember that I (a) wasn't actively in pain somewhere and/or (b) so exhausted I slept most of the time. I have been sleeping a lot, and I confess that if it were up to me? I'd zonk out a couple of times during the day, but I know that I'm (a) not going to accomplish anything like that and (b) would be mad as hell at myself for wasting any time I don't have to spend in the DOSP workhouse. Granted, I can't quite put anything much to do together for the times I'm not at the workhouse, but I'm just so unbelievably grateful that I'm. Not. There. that on some level it doesn't matter.

I've found the tiny cute laptop stateside, but it still has a couple of problems. Right now, that's about twice as much money as I could scrape together on short notice, and (b) it runs Linux, and I have no clue how to use that. A good analogy for this would be me handing the cut pieces of a 16thC outfit to someone who couldn't sew and saying "Well, here it is, but if you actually expect to wear it, you're going to have to learn to sew, and then put it together yourself." Or at least that's my impression. And I do realize it's incredibly lame to not know enough about systems to be able to do this sort of thing on one's own. I feel pretty stupid.

In any case, I am following up a couple of leads, and if I can't find anything workable secondhand (for what I can afford) I'll probably end up buy that one (eventually) and learning how to use it.

[livejournal.com profile] mrq_laurellen is the total bomb. She's been kind enough to agree to let me have one of her gowns here so I can study it. I really need to actually see the thing in person to work with the idea I have (explanation to follow), and while she was perfectly willing to allow me to come up and look at it, I still can't drive for more than 20 minutes or so at a time because of the injury to my hip (it's due to the shape of the car seat). So - she's mailing it down here, I get to examine it and make sketches or whatever else I need, and then send it back. Either way, this is going to cost less in postage than it would have in gas, no matter what.

[livejournal.com profile] mrq_laurellen has successfully taken into three dimensions something that I had only worked out in two (and I did that eight years ago and haven't touched the idea since). I first saw this outfit (well, damn, I was going to show you guys the web page, but I can't locate it. Rats.) last fall at a lecture she gave, and something in my long-since-archived synapses said "Waitaminit. You worked this out once..." It's a Spanish gown with a train that falls from the shoulders, and underneath, a false back to fit. I'd done all of the conjuring to make it work, using Alcega as a guide, and had - well, done everything except anything on paper - the pattern and toile. I honestly didn't even remember doing that until I saw the gown, but I all of the time I keep finding things that I don't recall - it's the nature of the treatment I had during '02-'03.

Keep in mind that until fall '06, I hadn't really undertaken any significant projects since early '98. Thats a long time to forego something you care about. I also have profound, really profound issues with an utter lack of belief in my own ability. The Giant Cranberry was my first step back. Conditions have been pretty adverse to this kind of project here, inasmuch as I'm a very firm believer in the whole first things first notion... as in, if my house isn't in order (literally or figuratively) I have no right to be indulging in fripperies. So, if my plumbing/garage door/car/refrigerator is broken and I have bills to pay, damn straight whatever energy I have is going to be focused on that, exclusively.

As it turns out, all of my energy was taken up with just putting one foot in front of the other, for a really long time, which is a story you guys have heard way too many times. And due to that, I have a fairly limited wardrobe (because between '98 and '06 I gained 25 pounds), and can't get to as many events as I'd like (and I also think that real life comes first - and I had enough to deal with). Add to this dealing with the demoralizing effects of being broke, things needing attention and dealing with a crappy job, doing 16thC clothes falls pretty far down on the list. I am justifyably in awe of people who can turn out great stuff when they're under personal stress, I've occasionally done that as well, but the one thing I don't understand in others and can't tolerate at all in myself is spending time and energy on this stuff when your life just isn't working right or you don't have a decent living situation. I don't really consider that I have a decent living situation just now, but I am, and have been working toward fixing that as well as it can be fixed given my resources. And that comes first.

Now that I feel a bit better, and not every breath is dedicated to making sure I can pull myself in to work (although it still feels like that, and it's really demoralizing), I figure that I can start another project. I'm definitely going to 12th Night in January, and I'm not going to do it without something new to wear. The overgown is brown velvet with a very subtle gold scroll pattern. I have eleventy-six yards of coordinating trim in the stash, and I think the only thing I'm going to end up buying at all will be beads. All of this is keeping within the plan (i.e., no buying new fabric unless it has a specific use in a current project and there isn't a good substitute available in the stash). I have dark violet wool for a kirtle underneath, and that should be modular and plain enough to interchange with any number of future outfits, so that's really a foundation block. And [livejournal.com profile] mrq_laurellen is kind enough to loan me a template for this undertaking. I expect it to be an experience on several different levels. Another step on the road back. Hopefully, this time I won't need to sit down and rest so soon or so often.

ETA: Linux has been explained to me, and it's not as complicated as I imagined. O-KAY!!! I should know by the end of the week what's happening with the laptop situation.
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